The Thin Line
by KH Pwns My Soul
Summary: Summary: KH AU AKUROKU BL DRAMAANGST …What would you feel, being the dirty little secret?
1. Fate Fucked The Devil & Screwed Us All

The Thin Line

The Thin Line

A/N: Welcome to a new story that I shouldn't even be starting until I finish everything else but that seems to be the way I work. I needed to write something new and fresh and so here it is. Please read and I hope you enjoy.

Dedicated to Everyone.

Summary: KH- AU- AKUROKU- BL- DRAMA/ANGST …What would you feel, being the dirty little secret?

**WARNING: BL AND ANGST IN THIS STORY. READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL**

Prologue: Fate Fucked The Devil And Screwed Us All

"Maybe it was the smoke in the air, or the feeling of emptiness. Maybe it was because we both thought we were going to die in that little cramped space. Whatever it was the hunger was real. It was like a giant typhoon that took us both over as the world shook around us and the sky lit up with fire. We kissed with a hunger I had never felt before, nails scratching, biting, and tears streaming down my face. Was it really going to be my last moment?

"The pounding of my heart as we stole each others last breaths was an emotional rollercoaster that I had longed to experience but never wish to feel again. The darkness and the pain and the sadness and the loss were all amplified in that moment along with a feeling of freedom and life renewed. His lips caressed mine, demanding, conquering, soothing. Never in a million years had I ever thought I could be here, with him, like this.

"Was it love that made us do such crazy things? Or was it the moment? Was it me he was seeing, or was it a last kiss to life? Was it… us? Or was he just waiting for death? No, I think I had always known. He had never been with me; his eyes had never seen mine. They had only ever seen what I could do for him. What we had was no searing memory of passion, shown in the only moments that mattered. It was only his fear of losing his stage and I… I was only a stand in."

I closed my notebook, my face burning and nodded to the teacher to indicate I was done. The room was in a stunned silence, and I'm sure everyone's eyes were on me. I couldn't really tell from the burning tears in my eyes trying to escape. Who knew I could feel so strongly, right? Isn't that what you had said? Maybe I'm not so heartless after all.

Blinking a few times I came to my desk and our eyes met. I would have died a thousand deaths to know what you were thinking as your eyes searched mine, but I didn't dare ask. Sitting down in my chair I closed my eyes to the world and once again waited for that rainy day everyone says I should save up for so I could blow it all .

A/N: Next chapter tomorrow… Reviews appreciated. Feel free to give real feedback if you want. I'm thick-skinned. Harsh words wont hurt me. And I know it's not my usual M.O. but I'm trying something different… And everything will be cleared up in the next few chapters. No, its not all this dark. . . and yes. Thank you for reading my little tiny prologue.


	2. Liars, Cheats, & A Passer By

The Thin Line

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A/N: The first real chapter. Ahaa, you'll be confused for a bit more I'm afraid. Things never go in sequence in my stories. Mwahaha. Also short… Because that's how I roll foo.

Dedicated to Everyone.

Summary: KH- AU- AKUROKU- BL- DRAMA/ANGST …What would you feel, being the dirty little secret?

**WARNING: BL AND ANGST IN THIS STORY. READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL**

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Chapter One: Liars, Cheats, And A Passer By

I was passing the usual subjects on my way to my lunch time haunt. Just like any other school we were all divided up into categories. The jocks, the preps, the nerds, and so on and so on until you got to me; the outcast. It didn't really bother me, at least when I was thinking straight. I guess some part of me would have liked to be the center of attention and popular, loved by all. But honestly, the people I would have to hang out with would be the death of me. Take that any way you like, I mean it both ways.

I dropped to the floor under the old oak tree that had been spray-graffitied many times by the many passing generations plagued to leave their mark on the only high school experience they'd ever get. Plopped my lunchsack down and let its contents roll haphazardly onto the meager grass there was. I didn't bother picking any of it up, I wasn't going to eat it anyways, and the seagulls seemed to enjoy it more then I ever would.

Among the first rules you learn when entering high school, besides not ever being caught alone on freshman-hunting day, is that lunch time is much more then a law based break the school has been demanded to give. The _true_ purpose of lunch, is the social ladder. Anyone who is anyone will only been seen with everyone who is everyone, geeks with geeks, Goths with Goths, jocks with jocks and the list goes on… but for God's sake you will not mix circles for fear of being shunned by any group of which you occupy. During lunch you try your best to ride the ride and earn a bit of schoolyard fame.

Lunch is my hunting ground.

Sketchbook in hand I randomly chose my prey. Or perhaps it wasn't all that random. The fact of the matter was that my whole sketchbook was full of pictures of him. Rough sketches to detailed portraits. I could draw him with my eyes closed. Hell, even when I'm sleeping his face haunts me. And just another high school cliché, he was out of my league, one of those unattainable fellows. Jock.

I bit my lip in concentration as I skillfully curved the arch of his back as he threw back his head in laughter at a joke one of his posse had cracked, or so I assumed. Even this far away I could still make out every detail of his face, his hair, and his body. My hand skimmed the paper creating a full body outline, my hands knowing each curve and plane as if they had undressed him slowly. Ha, if only. Well, if you count daydreams it had happened thousands of times already.

I blame my absolute concentration for my downfall.

As the grass shoved itself unhelpfully up my nose and I chewed gracelessly on clodded earth the jeers of my attackers echoed across the field and adjoining cafeteria. Seeing as my hands were empty I assumed that they had my sketchbook. Well, damn.

Opening my eyes I came face to face with one bright and shiny white sneaker followed by it's pair. My gaze traveling past the bright red and white football uniform to a laughing face that the girls in my class all gossiped about. I didn't really see the charm, but I was a bit bruised so I suppose I should retain judgment.

Bullshit.

"Hey, look here! We've got a bone-a-fied stalker in our midst!" Blonde-Jock said as he waggled my sketchbook in front of his buddies face. Said buddy broke out in laughter and called the rest of the team over for inspection, or perhaps they all just came because their bloodlust sensed a slaughter.

"Whoa dude," another team member stated as the last, and all star, member of the team rounded upon the scene. "These are all of you."

"The little runt's got a crush on you." Caterwauled one, while another made wolf-whistles.

It didn't matter much to me, by now I knew the outcome of events and was resigned to it. Even under all of that though, there was a slim bit of hope that even I couldn't suppress as I met the eyes that I had just recently sketched to perfection. The eyes I had both nightmares and fantasies about. Boy, I knew those eyes. But the tiny hint of pity they hid slammed my caged door shut. He turned away from me, and that must have been the signal they were all waiting for.

Later on, I would mourn my ripped and bloody sketchbook more then the black eye and bruised ribs. At least they had gone relatively easy on me, teenage boys having a wild imagination for torture methods. The day was over, and as I walked towards home on the outskirts of town I smirked, or tried to around the puffy. I had indeed had my fifteen minutes of fame. In fact, the whole school had surely known my name by the end of the day. What more could a boy ask for?

A tall shadow draped itself over mine beside the gate to my house and I didn't even have to look up to know who it was. This was our routine, or as much of one as anyone could have.

"Hey," He said, and the apology was in his voice, even if he didn't offer one. I suppose one should be sorry for not sticking up for a best friend. Or… secret hidden best friend I suppose. "I got you a new sketchbook."

"Thanks." I replied, the way I always did. There was no point in explaining my feelings, ones that could only lead to awkwardness and grief, more so then there already was. "You coming in?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

And after a quick look around, to make sure no one had seen us, he shut the door behind him.

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A/N: Reviews appreciated.


	3. From Whence You Came

The Thin Line

By Zess

A/N: Cookies to those who can figure out who's who.

Dedicated to Everyone.

Summary: KH- AU- AKUROKU- BL- DRAMA/ANGST …What would you feel, being the dirty little secret?

**WARNING: BL AND ANGST IN THIS STORY. READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL**

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Chapter Two: From Whence You Came

"Hey, pass the chips," he said to me, even as his long arms snaked around me to grab the bowl filled to the brim with Lays. His hand brushed the back of my neck and I tried, I really did, to control the shivers that ran up and down my spine. For some reason, it was even harder to resist spilling my guts to him today, harder to keep from drooling all over his body.

We sat side by side on the love seat that occupied my room in front of my T.V. and both of us were silent. It had been like this since after school. I could tell by the way he kept glancing over at me during commercials that he was still feeling guilty about what had happened today.

Honestly I was torn. He was my best friend, the only person I really felt connected to in the whole world and I understood his situation. He was on scholarship just like I was, though his was of the sports variety. If he was alienated from the jocks, it wasn't such a stretch that he would lose his tuition money. There was no way that I wanted that to happen. It always seemed better to have what little bits and pieces of him I could get then to lose him all together.

On the other hand there was always this part of me, this little voice inside my head that cried out every time he turned his back on me, and allowed the pranks to continue. I was his best friend wasn't I? Why couldn't he just stand up for me? Why did I have to suffer so much just so he could get by? Didn't he care at all?

I hated myself for having these thoughts. My biggest wish, that had any semblance of reality in it anyways, was that we could have a normal school life where he wasn't afraid to at least call me his friend in public. But..

"Hey, I said I'm sorry you know, please stop giving me the silent treatment."

I looked at him kind of stupidly. "What? Oh, sorry, I was just thinking. I'm not mad, 'swear."

A big grin of relief made butterflies do funny things around my abdomen. "Thank goodness, I thought you were totally pissed."

I laughed, as it was hard not to. No matter what, I just couldn't be angry with him. "Of course I'm pissed, you boggarted all the damn chips pig."

He laughed, and we moved on with our routine. I didn't mind it really. But every once in a while I'd get another tinge, another urge, to just tell him how I felt. There was no hope in it, just a dream…


	4. My Wild Heart Bleeds for You

The Thin Line

By Zess

A/N: Cookies to those who can figure out who's who.

Dedicated to Everyone.

Summary: KH- AU- AKUROKU- BL- DRAMA/ANGST …What would you feel, being the dirty little secret?

**WARNING: BL AND ANGST IN THIS STORY. READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL**

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Chapter Three: My Wild Heart Bleeds for You

There was a knock on the door and we looked at each other, startled. No one was supposed to be here right now.

"You invite someone over?" He asked, eyebrows raised a mysterious red tint along his cheekbones.

"Who would I invite? Castout remember? Go hide in the closet in case its one of your buddies with a wonderful surprise again."

He looked at me shame in his eyes, and I smiled to reassure him. If it was another T.P incident or any such thing, it was something I could handle. Jocks would be jocks, but I had tough skin. Besides, this wasn't some kind of surprise, it happened twice a week at least. Resigned to the inevitable of cleaning some kind of horrible mess off of myself or the front of my house I stood and rolled my shoulders around to ease the tension. As I started forward he grabbed my hand unexpectedly and I turned around to look at him again, confused.

"Be careful," he stated solemnly before retreating into the closet, leaving my hand tingling and my cheeks flushed. What was that all about?

Sighing about confusing mixed signals and emotions I didn't need I approached the door as the person on the other side knocked again.

"Who is it?" Thought I don't know why I bothered asking. I was almost one hundred percent sure that it would be our resident athletes.

"Open the door, faggot!" Shouted, I guessed it, a voice that sounded horrifyingly familiar. Varsity style.

"Yeah, how about no?" I replied. My mind was still on how my fingers felt curled around his. I didn't really care what happened to the house at this moment, I just wanted to know what the gesture meant. Could there… Could he possibly have... feelings for…

**BANG.**

I fell onto my back in shock as the door tumbled down on top of me, a large bullet hole thrust through its sturdy frame. As rough hands, calloused and hot, grabbed my by my shirt everything went dark.

"Roxas! Roxas wake up!" Softer hands this time, hands that made me tingle all over gently shook me. Even though I could tell the movement was small my head pounded as if pots and pans banged inside. "Please… please wake up…"

Wet? I groaned and struggled to wipe whatever was being drooled onto my face off but I couldn't really move, it hurt too much. Another wet drop landed onto my lips and I licked them hesitantly. Salty. Not drool but… tears?

"What… What the hell happened?"

My face was crushed into fabric I couldn't quite see. For some reason my eyes just wouldn't open. Gasping for breath my bones popped in their sockets as the vices around me tightened. No. They were arms. Wait what?

"Axel?" I mumbled into mouthfuls of cloth, unconsciously breathing in his scent. It _was_ Axel. And I was… on his lap? None of this made any sense.

And just as suddenly, as more wet hit my hair, it did.

"I couldn't stop them…"_"Hurry, tie him up!" _"I didn't know, Rox, I swear I didn't know what they were going to do!" _Bats… and... I couldn't breathe? Someone was hitting me; I felt the blood as I coughed. What was around my neck? _"I'm so sorry Roxas.. God, please forgive me! I'll never let those bastards hurt you again, they went too far this time." _"Dude, he's bleeding pretty bad! Someone's going to see us man!" "Come on, lets get outta here!" _"Roxas? Roxas say something!"

Pulling my head back a rough cord slid from my shoulders. Ah. So they'd been choking me. I see. An insanity induced giggle rose from my dry and bruised throat. "Ax, I can't breathe."

I was instantly laid onto my back, soothing hands rushing over me. Even as they skimmed the bruises, hurting, I relished in the touch I could never raise the courage to ask for. It was getting dark again, if darker then black is possible, and I breathed in deeply. Maybe I was going to die from happiness? Another stupid giggle coughed its way up my throat.

"Oh God, you're still bleeding. Hold on Roxas, I'm going to call the doctor… Just hold on.. Roxas just…"

And it was blissfully silent.


	5. Don't Stop

The Thin Line

The Thin Line

By Zess

A/N: Cookies to those who can figure out who's who.

Dedicated to Everyone.

Summary: KH- AU- AKUROKU- BL- DRAMA/ANGST …What would you feel, being the dirty little secret?

**WARNING: BL AND ANGST IN THIS STORY. READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL**

Chapter Four: Don't Stop

The lights were on. I hated it when I had to wake up to horribly bright lights. Couldn't they just wait until I was awake? Damn… fluorescence… My head pounded as I tried to open my eyes wider. My body ached as I shifted. Bruises. Again.

The sheets covering me made a static hissing sound and I knew I wasn't in my own bed. That sound had been etched in my memory as clearly as my favorite song. Hospital sheets. No wonder I was so itchy.

My eyes opened slowly and I stared into a thick shaggy mane of red protruding from my abdomen. Well, perhaps protruding is the wrong word, perhaps sprawled on would be better. Sprawled, and drooling. Really, he looked ridiculous… and ever endearing.

Looking around I found the clock that every hospital room seemed to have. It wasn't anything like Vegas. Oh no. Somehow all the hospitals I had ever been in always wanted you to know just how much lonely time had passed.

Seven… Judging by the light it was morning, not night. Had he been here all night? Gingerly I began to sit up and winced a little. It was hard to breath. Hard to move. I'd been fucked up pretty good this time. Or pretty bad. Who knew. Maybe I was becoming a masochist. As a hand tightened on the sheets above my legs I smiled a little. Maybe I wouldn't mind beings strangled once in a while if it meant that I'd get him falling asleep in my lap. I almost risked running a hand through his unkempt sleep hair but I didn't dare to. He had always been a lights sleeper.

Ah. Just right.

A pair of groggy eyes opened as I moved to sit up more, leaning back against the hospital headboard. He sat up and smiled ruefully. It was his best smile really, and I felt a pang somewhere near the middle of my chest. My heart was hurting. Or bursting. Whatever.

"Morning," I said, nonchalantly. Really, it wasn't the first time I'd been in a hospital. Not even the first time this semester. I was even on first name basis with all the staff. It was wonderful. If you count being in pain as being happy.

"Rox I…"

His eyes were sad, big and sad, and beautiful. Were you supposed to think someone looking so sad as looking adorable? Probably not. It was probably my own twisted fetish. I held up a hand and smiled as I had always smiled. It wasn't really his fault. Circumstances were a tough pill.

"It's fine. It's always fine."

He nodded, and looked down. "Yeah…"

There was nothing really to say. Everything had been said already. Like I had mentioned, this was a tried and tired scene.

"Want anything to eat?"

I shook my head and looked at him. How long was this going to continue? Him looking out for me but only when no one else was around. Him being my best friend, but only when we were alone. Had it been just my imagination, or was there perhaps more? I could still feel his fingertips in mine, comforting, holding… warning…I could still feel him reaching for me, telling me to be… careful.

"Oh god, you knew."

His whole body lurched and I knew I had hit the nail on the head. I closed my eyes and slumped down against the bed. He had known. He had known and he had been trying to warn me. So that's what his whole speech had been about.

"_I'm so sorry Roxas.. God, please forgive me! I'll never let those bastards hurt you again, they went too far this time."_

"You could have given me a clearer warning. I could have just called the cops."

He clutched my hand and it was my turn to lurch. My heart was pounding within my chest from just that one touch. I must be some kind of stupid syrupy love monster. Really, I was his puppet wasn't I?

"I'm sorry.. Rox you know I couldn't do anything. If I had stood up to them… I… My scholarship… My parents… I just…"

I don't really know what happened to me then. I really don't. Somewhere… I just snapped. Had I finally had enough? I don't know…

"You're parents? I nearly got shot and strangled to death and you're worried about what your parents would say? If you don't remember they actually _like _me, and know that you're my friend. Why can't you just come out and say it? It's not like we're dating; you're just my friend. But, I don't even know if you're that anymore! You let me get strangled! Strangled! I can't believe it…"

My breath was heaving in and out of my chest with my blind rage. Didn't he get it? I had loved him for so long, and all I had wanted was for him to not be afraid to say he was my friend. I didn't even care if he was anything more then that… But the pain… it was always so hard.

"You…I never knew… you… you're heartless."

When he ran off… all I could really wonder was… Why was he crying?


	6. You Don't Have To Wait Up For Me

The Thin Line

A/N: Welcome to a new story that I shouldn't even be starting until I finish everything else but that seems to be the way I work. I needed to write something new and fresh and so here it is. Please read and I hope you enjoy.

Dedicated to Everyone.

Summary: KH- AU- AKUROKU- BL- DRAMA/ANGST …What would you feel, being the dirty little secret?

**WARNING: BL AND ANGST IN THIS STORY. READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL**

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Chapter 6: You Don't Have To Wait Up For Me.

Another… tired… lonely day. Why had I even come to this place? I was a masochist; there was just no other option. Somehow, life just didn't feel quite right without being abused. Ha. What a laugh. I suppose the good thing was those stupid jocks must have scared themselves out of attacking me again. Well, a few of them had even been expelled. I didn't know how the school had found out but I didn't really care. It had been three whole days and I hadn't even heard a word from them. Them… or Axel.

I sighed and leaned my head back against the faithful graffiti tree. We were two of a kind. A battered and bruised sort of bunch that somehow just remained… stationary.

It shouldn't have hurt so much, that I hadn't seen him for days. It shouldn't have hurt, but it did. Every time a snap of red caught my eye a big pit of hope opened in my chest, only to be clenched tightly shut when I realized it wasn't him. I didn't even know why I was looking for him. Did I really want to see him? And if I did, what would I say?

Somehow, my emotions hadn't been quite right since he had stormed out of the hospital. I went from cold to hot to colder then hotter. It was either anger or despair. It was hard for me to find my happy medium of normal… numbness. Is that how I had been living? Had I just been suppressing everything so I didn't feel… anything?

I felt that, and then I felt like a coward.

But was I? Was I a coward for always keeping what I was feeling inside? Was I a coward because I wanted to protect what little I had? The only thing that I had, or had had, was Axel's friendship, and I had done everything I could to keep it… hadn't I?

BRING. BRING.

The bell. I closed my eyes, and inwardly sighed again. Really, I didn't feel like going to another class. But I had to go to the next one. It was the only one where I'd get to see him. We were desk buddies even. Would he ask one of his friends to change seats? I still didn't understand. Why had he left that day? Why had he been crying? Didn't…Didn't he understand what he had done? Didn't he feel _any _kind of remorse?

If I had kept my mouth shut, would things be different now?

I gathered up my things and stood, heading towards English. Maybe things would have been different, but did it really matter? Could I have continued on being just friends with someone who meant the world to me? The selfsame someone who had sold me out to his friends for a few kicks and a social ladder; could I continue to keep quiet?

I didn't know why I was still questioning. Hadn't I always already known? When you didn't have anything to begin with, you didn't have anything to lose.

"Maybe it was the smoke in the air, or the feeling of emptiness. Maybe it was because we both thought we were going to die in that little cramped space. Whatever it was the hunger was real. It was like a giant typhoon that took us both over as the world shook around us and the sky lit up with fire. We kissed with a hunger I had never felt before, nails scratching, biting, and tears streaming down my face. Was it really going to be my last moment?

"The pounding of my heart as we stole each others last breaths was an emotional rollercoaster that I had longed to experience but never wish to feel again. The darkness and the pain and the sadness and the loss were all amplified in that moment along with a feeling of freedom and life renewed. His lips caressed mine, demanding, conquering, soothing. Never in a million years had I ever thought I could be here, with him, like this.

"Was it love that made us do such crazy things? Or was it the moment? Was it me he was seeing, or was it a last kiss to life? Was it… us? Or was he just waiting for death? No, I think I had always known. He had never been with me; his eyes had never seen mine. They had only ever seen what I could do for him. What we had was no searing memory of passion, shown in the only moments that mattered. It was only his fear of losing his stage and I… I was only a stand in."

I closed my notebook, my face burning and nodded to the teacher to indicate I was done. The room was in a stunned silence, and I'm sure everyone's eyes were on me. I couldn't really tell from the burning tears in my eyes trying to escape. Who knew I could feel so strongly, right? Isn't that what you had said? Maybe I'm not so heartless after all.

Blinking a few times I came to my desk and our eyes met. I would have died a thousand deaths to know what you were thinking as your eyes searched mine, but I didn't dare ask. Sitting down in my chair I closed my eyes to the world and once again waited for that rainy day everyone says I should save up for so I could blow it all.

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Ah, life was back to normal. I softly closed my locker as I watched him approach. Lucky for me, our school's lockers were much to small to stuff someone in. Either way, I would rather mine be closed, just in case he decided to try anyway. Science and math couldn't be their strong suits.

Blonde-Jock was, once again, coming to get me. Briefly I wondered where Axel was, but that was easily pushed aside. Well, who knows if I even managed to push it aside. But I could pretend that I wasn't always thinking about him. Besides, even after everything that had gone on I didn't think he could stomach personally beating me up.

He stopped in front of me, and looked at me. Just… stared at me. I think it unnerved me much more then a fist to the face ever had. What was his game? I realized somewhere in the back of my mind that he hadn't been there that night. Awful, stupid, night that it was. Why? Or maybe he had been, and I just hadn't noticed between being choked or beaten. Yeah, that was probably more likely. But… why was the doubt still there?

"What do you want?" I asked finally, after too many moments of silence between us.

He just kept staring.

BRING. BRING.

School was over…

As the bell rang I decided, if he wasn't here to beat me up then I really had no business with him. Turning to go I started as he reached out to grab my arm, much softer then I had expected. What's more, he didn't do anything other then turn me back around so that we were once again face to face.

"You need to know something."

What the hell was going on? I sighed and let my shoulders droop. Ah, really, what was I expecting? This was definitely a new approach, but what else could it be? Some sort of trap? A trick? Did I even care what happened to me anymore?

"What do you want?" I asked, resigned. Really, I should have just asked "where are we going?" I knew it was the same thing.

"Come with me." Yeah… same shit, different day.

But then he let go of my arm and turned around, heading down the hall that had been recently emptied of humanity. Our shoes made a soft clomping sound against the old linoleum as I wondered why I was following him. It wouldn't have been hard to run, or scream, or I could have just said no. Was I really such a glutton for punishment? Or was there… was there something else? Something that wasn't quite right? Was I… hoping for something?

We turned, and he entered an empty music study room. They were small soundproof rooms designed for self study by people from the musical departments. Though the soundproof part would definitely help if you were going to try and beat up somebody, the windows on the doors didn't really scream "secret place."

I followed him in, and sat down on one of the benches. Why wasn't anyone else here? Was he really planning anything or was this…? What was this?

"Axel didn't set you up."

I physically reeled back. Wait… what?

"You've got to be kidding me."

But he didn't look like he was kidding. In fact, he wasn't even smiling his normal "I-love-causing-you-pain" smile. What… was going on?

"No. I don't think I'm going to believe you."

I stood to leave and he grabbed my arm again, this time yanking me back down. I sat, a little shocked, a little apprehensive, and he grimaced.

"Sorry, but would you please listen?"

Sorry? He was apologizing to me? There had to be a trick in here somewhere right? Why would someone like him be apologizing to someone like me? And now of all times? Didn't he get that it was too late? That there was nothing that could be done to make me better anymore? Didn't he get that I was so far gone no one could bring me back with some tiny apology?

He must have seen the disbelief on my face.

"Yeah. I know. I haven't exactly been… Well, I hated you. I don't know why we hated you, it was just… Somehow we all… Well, whatever. That's not why I'm here…"

He looked like he didn't know what to say and I was getting more confused by the moment.

"What…what is going on?"

"I told you, Axel didn't set you up. He even… When they started… to you… He jumped in and saved you. He was the one that beat the shit out of everyone and got them to stop. He was the one that took you to the hospital and told the school everything. He even threatened to press charges on your behalf but the hospital said you were okay enough to decide that on your own…"

"… this isn't funny." I said softly, my chest collapsing. I couldn't breathe. There was no way this shit was true. Why? Why was this guy torturing me?

"Do I look like I'm fucking kidding? That guy's a wreck now and it's all because you're too stupid to see that he cares about you. What the fuck was that shit in class dude?"

"Cares about me? Like he's been there for me?!" I snapped and stood, throwing out my hands. "What the fuck do you know you asshole? When was he there for me? When he let you guys kick my ass? Huh? When the fuck was he there except when no one else was around?"

He grimaced again and sighed. "Look, I don't know how to say I'm sorry, and I don't really want to… we were stupid. But Axel, he never let anyone get really rough on you, and he was always trying to get everyone to stop. A few of us agreed with him but there were a couple guys… they just wouldn't quit. Axel was trying to get them thrown off the team. He actually threatened the coach with leaving if the guy didn't kick some of them out."

I could really only stare. Was this the truth? Was there… could it be possible?

"What about… what about his scholarship?" I croaked out, my hands shaking.

"I guess he didn't care about that as much as… you. Whatever, I don't get all this gay mushy crap but I was just here to tell you the truth. I'm out."

And just like that he left my world crashing down around my ears.

Bruises. I had always just assumed they had been from sports but had he been fighting? Had he been fighting for me? And what about in the hospital?

"_I'm sorry.. Rox you know I couldn't do anything. If I had stood up to them… I… My scholarship… My parents… I just…"_

No… It hadn't been excuses. hadn't I known him our whole lives…? Why had I been so stupid?

"_I'm sorry… __**I couldn't do anything.**__ Rox you know I couldn't do anything, __**but I should have.**__ If I had stood up to them…__**None of this would have happened.**__ I…__**didn't know what to do. **__My scholarship…__**It doesn't even come close to mattering as much as you. **__My parents…__**They'll understand why I'm doing this once I explain. **__I just…__**I couldn't let you keep getting hurt.**__"_

I had been an idiot. All that time, while I had been wishing he would just look at me, I had been the blind one. The scraps, and the bruises he always had, they were for me. That faint blush that I hadn't even really paid attention to every time he looked at me. How he was always smiling when we were together. The numerous amounts of stuff that he always replaced… How every time something bad happened he always came over and spent the night to make sure… to make sure I was okay. He was always… making sure I was okay.

Fuck. What have I done?

* * *

BAM. BAM. BAM.

I pounded my fist against his door. For the first time in my life I was scared, truly scared. What if he never spoke to me again? Had I messed up bad enough this time that he wouldn't forgive me? Was he avoiding me? Would I even get the chance to tell him how sorry I was? How I felt about him?

BAM. BAM. BAM.

Still no answer. I had been pounding for ten minutes and still… nothing. Nothing. What a horrible word. And it was me. I was… nothing now. Nothing without Axel. My body sagged against the door and I laid my head against the distressed wood. I don't know when I started crying, but my shoes were getting wet. Why had it all turned out this way? Why hadn't I noticed sooner? Why hadn't I noticed that I had been the one keeping him my dirty secret?

"R..Roxas?"

I turned around so fast that I nearly fell down. He was here, standing with a bag that looked sort of like groceries. His face looked… sad. I had never seen him look so sad. He looked… like I felt. Empty.

"Axel-" I started, reaching for him unconsciously before I noticed and just let my hand hang uncertainly between us. I looked ridiculous but I didn't know what to do. I had no idea how to make any of this better.

"What are you doing here?" He asked after a moment, looking wary.

Wary… He looked wary of me. He was scared of what I was going to say. How had I not noticed before?

"I love you."

In retrospect that probably hadn't been the best way to say it. Somewhere I knew that I should have had a bit more finesse but the aching in my chest hurt so much I couldn't even think straight anymore. He was here, and… and there was a chance that I would lose him forever just because I had been so stupid.

The silence stretched for an infinity. Possibly beyond. All he could do was stare at me, and I didn't dare move, didn't dare breathe. I couldn't. I didn't want to break the spell of whatever was keeping him here, staring at me.

"Are you… serious?" He asked slowly.

I could only nod, hoping he could see in my eyes how serious I was.

"Then kiss me."

It had definitely not been what I was expecting. I had only just been allowing myself to hope we could once again be friends. Was this… reality? It couldn't be. Somehow I had ended up in another one of my painful sick fantasies _thinking _it was real.

All I could do was stand there, gaping like a fish.

"Ah… ah… um…"

He chuckled a little and set the groceries down. Slowly, hesitantly, as if I might break, he reached for me. I gasped a little as his hands slid around my body pulling me close. I had to be dreaming. This couldn't be reality. Snugly fitted against the hard contours of Axel's athletic body my mind was blank. He felt way better then any of my fantasies had ever come close to. And I had never really noticed just how tall he was. He had to bend almost doubly over in order to rest his forehead against mine.

"Roxas?" He asked softly. I could feel his soft breath against my face and my hands slowly touched his chest. Was this okay? Was this really okay?

"Are you… real?" I asked in return, wonder showing on my face. I couldn't believe it. Everything had been wrong. I had hurt so hard I thought I would have rather been dead and now… Now I was within the circle of Axel's arms and he was staring at me with a heat so intense I could barely breathe. Was there any way that this was real?

"Let me show you…" He whispered, his husky voice sending shivers down my spine.

And he did. There was no way I could feel so fiercely in a dream. As his lips conquered mine I realized none of my imaginings had even come close to the real thing. I was being devoured. He kissed me hard, turning by body to jell-o as his lips effectively took my breath away. Grasping on to his shirt for balance, I gasped for air and he took the opportunity to penetrate my lips with his warm tongue. It was hard, and rough, and somehow… gentle. As if he was exploring my mouth with his own. Memorizing; learning what made me gasp and writhe in pleasure. And gasp and writhe I did. Somehow, though I don't remember him ever talking about other people, he had the prowess of a well seasoned playboy. Unwilling to be only led I returned his kiss with as much passion as I could muster. Somehow, there was a need to make him feel as good as he made me.

Long moments later he lifted his head away to rest his forehead against mine once again. It was strangely satisfying to feel his chest heave beneath my hands, knowing I had been the one to make him lose his breath.

"Were you… serious?" He asked again and for a moment I was dumbfounded. Was he an idiot?

Then, I smiled and unhooked his keys from his belt as he looked at me questioningly. Unlocking the door behind me I grabbed his hand and dragged him across the threshold.

"Let me show you."

* * *

A/N: El finito! Only took me… almost a year. XD Oh well. Hope you enjoy. And reviews are always appreciated.


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